(Traffic passing)
I once went out with a girl and we were both going to kill ourselves.
It turned out one of us wasn't serious.
Oh, man, look at her.
- She's beautiful. - That is one fit bird.
- Can't believe we're going to see one. - From Franco, yeah?
Er... no. Gary Cooper got it from Magee.
OK.
As soon as she's in, I'm out.
Heavenly Father, and your son, Jesus Christ,
you have given us a true faith and a sure hope.
Help us to believe in the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins and the resurrection to eternal life,
through your dear son, Jesus Christ, our Lord.
O gracious God, enable us to listen lovingly to your word.
May we console each other with the message you proclaim,
so, finding light in darkness and faith in the midst of doubt,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord, amen.
OK. Let's go.
- Are you sure you want to do this? - Yeah. Why?
- You know, she was your mum... - You heard the man. Let's go. Let's do it.
Show me that picture.
We're coming, baby.
(The Coral: Dreaming Of You)
It's up in my heart when it skips a beat
Skips a beat
Can't feel no pavement right under my feet
Under my feet
Up in my lonely room
When I'm dreaming of you
Oh, what can I do?
I still need you, but I don't want you now...
All birders keep lists.
British lists, country lists,
birds fed from the hand list.
My own party piece was a coot on the end of a banana.
200 and you lose beginner status.
300 and there's a few rarities.
Four and, well, I doubt you'd find many of us over four.
We've been set up, boys.
Gary Cooper wouldn't do that.
Gary Cooper?
Gary Cooper, the guy that Bish stole the bins off in the Orkneys?
- Fuck off, I found them. - Yeah, round his neck.
Fuck's sake. Fuck. Fuck!
Five hours, boys.
For fuck's sake.
- Fuckin' hell! What was that? - Stop, stop, stop!
Grab your bins, grab your bins!
- You got it? - Yeah.
- Whoo! - American kestrel!
(Laughs)
- Loser. - Erm... We want to be sure.
Just because I don't have expensive books doesn't mean you know more than me.
American kestrel, only two ever seen in the UK.
Aah! Get in there!
Whoo!
Fuck!
Oh, my God!
My God.
Joke is, as soon as a bird goes on your list, it becomes worthless.
Hi.
We thought you weren't even going to turn up to the funeral,
and then you ran off without saying anything.
I needed to be on my own.
(Door opens)
I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now.
You don't go near your sister. That's the rule.
Can we talk?
- He's not going to apologise, Elaine. - Does being you ever give you a headache?
- If it wasn't for her, you'd be in prison. - Prison or having me sectioned.
Was that a tough call for you, Mike?
Look, you just can't walk in here and expect us to let you stay.
Mum left this place to me and Elaine. All right?
I'm too tired. Just let him stay if he wants.
Welcome home.
What's going on?
Looking for a bird.
- A white-crowned sparrow. - What are you gonna do? Kill it?
No, we just want to look at it.
Why?
It's what we do.
What's the point?
There is no point.
- All right, mate. - Hey, you took your time.
Hello, Cameron. You all right, mate?
Looks like every twat and their brother's gonna come here today.
Let's just hope Gary Cooper shows,
so I can insert these bins in his arse for sending us up that mountain.
I'm gonna insert this in his arse for sending us up that mountain.
- Fancy a coffee? - Yeah.
Ah, I think I've left my wallet in the car, man.
Do you fancy coming with us?
(Coins clicking)
- Yeah, all right. Call me if it turns up, yeah? - Yeah.
(Australian accent) Think birdie will show?
- Dunno. - You sure about that one?
I like this. Long life, right?
No, it's to ward off evil spirits.
Come here, pal.
- You shouldn't get your coffee there. - Pardon me?
They don't buy from free traders.
Well, no one else round here does grande mocha frappe orange syrup cappuccino
with extra fuckin' froth, thank you very much,
so the free traders can kiss my Scottish cock.
Nice.
Cameron needs you.
- What? - He wants a word with you.
About what?
Birds? I don't know.
(Bish coughs)
Yes, Cameron?
Er... Yeah.
What's the difference between a white-throated sparrow
and a white-crested sparrow?
A white-throated sparrow has a white throat.
Yeah. Erm... Yeah.
- You again. - What are you drawing?
- Ibis. Where'd you see that? - Venezuela.
- What were you doing there? - I went to find myself.
- Did you? - Not really.
But I didn't look that hard.
You could make money out of drawings like that.
- How much? - First one's free.
So, what are you up to now, then?
- Going to my meeting. - What sort of meeting?
Protect The Badger.
Don't laugh. Badgers have been in this country for thousands of years.
What have they ever done to us?
Yeah, I was told that you should never look one in the eye.
Right. Bye, then.
Wait a sec. What if... What if I want to see you again?
(Chuckles)
Here's what I have to show for my 22 years.
An intimate knowledge of cleaning products,
and the beginning of housemaid's knee.
We've all got a bit of the obsessive compulsive in us.
Just that I let mine out. A godsend in this job.
(Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: Is This Love?)
I see you're climbing a tree and I know
That it's easier to be up high in the air than on...
I go four times the speed of your average char.
So there's always time to kill.
I got ya.
(People shouting angrily)
- (Man) Murderers! - (Police siren)
Why do you want to see falcons?
It's not like we haven't ticked them a million years ago.
- You didn't have to come. - But you're the Zen master twitcher.
- (Bish) Where you go, we follow. - We don't want to miss a thing.
- It doesn't have to be about the tick. - What do you mean?
Say someone saw a jackdaw in Richmond Park. You wouldn't give a fuck.
But say someone saw it in wetlands, you'd want to have a look, yeah?
What, so a list of birds in non-typical environments?
A contextual tick?
I quite like that.
(Bell dings)
(Crowd shouting outside)
(Bell dings)
(Distant shouting)
What?
Bloody hell!
Whoo-hoo!
(Crystal Castles: Crimewave)
Whoo!
Stay where you are.
Come on, back here!
Don't be stupid now.
(Whistles)
Control from four-five.
- Four-five from Control. - Erm... Four-five. We've got them.
Four-five. We've got them, fifth floor.
Oi!
- Whoo! - Oi!
Whoooo!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Come on.
(Angry shouting and jeering)
(Distant sirens)
You again, huh?
Yeah, me.
I can't believe you were going to do it on your own. I thought we had a deal.
- You shouldn't have just left me. - I'd have come back.
You needed to be patient.
That's not even a proper incision. That's a bloody poser's cut.
(Screams)
Fuck off.
I got interrupted.
I must be the only bloke who tried to kill himself
and in the process nearly killed his sister.
What happened?
She came in when I was doing it
and tried to stop me and...
...somehow I managed to hit her brachial artery.
I came to see you.
They wouldn't let me in.
Didn't they tell you?
Why did you come?
- Because I missed you. - So much you went off to South America.
I didn't really have much of a choice, did I?
For some reason, they thought we were a bad influence on each other.
Yeah. I wonder why.
- It wasn't just because of me, was it? - Don't be stupid.
It felt like it was my fault.
So you're still sticking to your plan, then, huh?
Tick 500 birds and then...
That's genius.
Well, that's me. I'm a genius.
So, how many are you on now, bird boy, hmm?
You really want to know?
Mm-hm.
Four hundred and ninety-eight.
Fuck.
Oh, well, better find you two more, then, huh?
- What about you? - What about me?
- Are you still gonna? - Of course I'm not.
It was just a phase.
Right.
So, how many people have you slept with since I split us up?
I don't know.
- I'd have to think about it. - Go on, then.
None.
Ask me how many I have.
- No. - Do you want to hear about Venezuela?
Not really.
I forgot your idea of living is hanging out with bird-watchers.
I've got to get off.
- OK. - I'm this way.
- Maybe see you again. - Yeah, maybe.
Yeah?
All right.
(John Matthias: Blind Lead The Blind)
A man, he told me
2003, when preaching from a carved-out wooden pulpit
That I could be saved by his deity
His puckered mouth, his eyes screwed up, he knew it
Morning.
Nikko, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Not much. What are you doing?
Thanks.
This is Linda. She's selling the house for us.
Hello, Linda.
Calm down. Anyone'd think you'd not seen an estate agent before.
- Don't you have your own flat? - Don't you have teeth to pull?
Mike, that's what he wants.
What?
Well, my next client must be just...
Linda, I'm really sorry.
- Look, I'm really sorry. - My next appointment is probably waiting.
So, erm...
...if you're looking to buy after you sell,
do give me a call, we'll sort something out.
Okey-dokey.
- Lovely place. Lovely place. - Thank you.
She was nice.
(Doorbell rings)
Hiya. I'm Tamara from W8 Cleaning Agency.
We're just doing a few spot checks. Just a few yes and nos, really.
- Hope you don't mind. - No.
Did your cleaner arrive on time?
- Yes, he did. - Does he come appropriately dressed?
Yes.
Erm, does he ever use profanities in front of you?
I don't think so.
Has he ever made a pass at you or anyone else in your family,
not your husband or your children or anyone?
Excuse me?
Can I have a quick word, if that's all right? Thanks.
Shooo!
So what do you use for limescale?
Hmm, Lime-A-Way.
And what do you use for self-harm?
- Don't do it any more. - When you did?
Cook's knife, non-serrated.
- Not razor blades? - Razors are for pussies.
So, how come you've stopped?
Well, nothing...
lasts... forever.
So you have changed?
Good for you.
Look, I've got ammonia on my hands.
Keep them to yourself.
- See you next week. - See you next week. Cheers.
You again.
So, did they make you wear orange pyjamas in the loony bin?
Don't call it that.
What was it like?
What's going on?
Why?
Do you want to be my boyfriend again, hmm?
If you want to go out, then ask me.
But if you do, we'll be having some boundaries this time.
Say we go out and then, for whatever reason,
I decide not to go out with you any more, you can't try and kill yourself again, OK?
Do you think you can do that?
Yeah, OK.
I'll be wanting some wooing.
Girls need romance, so you'd better take me somewhere nice.
I'll take you somewhere nice.
(Birds calling)
- Is this a fucking joke? - You might like it.
Come on.
So what do we do now?
We walk around, look for birds.
We get cold.
Being near water's good for depression.
I'm not depressed.
All right, no one said you were.
So, shouldn't we be, like, ticking things off lists or something?
Five points if you spot socks and sandals.
Ten if you see a kid being slapped.
All righty.
Black-tailed godwit, a pair of green sandpipers.
- (Laughs) - What?
Nothing.
- Nothing. - Don't be like that. Come on.
- If you get into it, you might enjoy it. - Sorry, Dad!
- It's like being with a spoilt child. - You can slap me if you want.
- Nikko. - What?
Hey.
- What? - Can I have a kiss?
Show me your world.
Come on, then.
- Phwoar, Jesus, it's a bit whiffy. - Shh!
(Tweeting)
Yeah, OK.
OK, just on the edge of the marsh.
Keep them still.
A pair of green sandpipers.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
Cute.
I'm just not sure if I can get quite as excited at it as you.
Keep watching. Keep watching.
I want to be excited.
Mmm.
(Gasps)
- (Distant aeroplane) - Solitary things, they are.
It's quite rare to see them in a pair. Keep watching.
I am watching.
Probably just come in from somewhere cold.
(Gasps)
Shh.
- (Aeroplane noise intensifying) - Can you see the dark back?
Beautiful head and breast.
Mmm.
You can't quite see, but they've got pale underparts.
They're not breeding adults, those.
They're far too immature.
(Moans)
Mmm.
Good while it lasted, though, wasn't it?
(She laughs)
I'm falling off.
(Sign buzzing faintly)
So... I got my bonus.
- Oh, right. Cool. - Yeah, I got it ages ago.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I was meant to cash my cheque a few months ago, but I forgot.
I just put it in a drawer.
Oh, no. He's brought Yoko.
- All right? - (Bish) All right.
- So this is your special place, Bish? - The best cafe in London.
All right?
- Do you want something to eat? - Erm... Yeah.
What's good, mate?
Er... Bacon sangies,
sausage and beans.
You can get an extra black pudding for 60p.
Hmm, you know what? I'll be all right. I'm vegan.
Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot.
(Stumbling) Erm... Dubler boczek
kanapka... prosic.
Can I just have a doughnut and a cappuccino, please?
Yeah, a cup of tea, please.
(Stevie) I'll just have a glass of water, please.
Bish, are you learning to speak Polish?
Erm... Well... Well, yeah.
I'm trying to broaden my horizons.
- Cool. - Stevie's just been in Venezuela.
You do know that doughnuts are loaded with animal fat?
- Yeah. - What is it with you lot?
You seem to think every time someone buys a bag of crisps
a kangaroo fucking dies.
Oh, yeah, that's it exactly.
Look, you can go on all the marches you like, nothing's ever gonna change.
Fine, let's all just sit here and eat processed meat until our colons rot.
Mmm! Yummy!
We did have a message about Owen Whittle. He's going around Epping Forest.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Who's Owen Whittle? - He steals rare eggs out of nests.
He's an egg collector. The twitcher's biggest enemy.
It's been illegal since the '60s, but some people still do it.
- Well, you should do something. - There's no point.
Well, of course there's a point.
If he steals all the eggs, there won't be any birds left for you to see, will there?
Duh?
(John Matthias: Spinnaker)
Well, it's late and I can't tell if the wind is blowing my way
It's just my luck I'm on the inside
And my fate hangs in the balance
I believe in the breeze
I can tell that you've got to put your spinnaker up before you hoist the mainsail
Nine, ten, jack and you hold...
- Can you believe we found him? - No, I think we should go back.
What if they're ready to hatch?
Embryo solvent. He injects the eggs with...
- Yeah. - What?
I know.
Look at him climb. He's like a fucking squirrel.
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, what are you doing?
(Whispers) Stevie! Stevie!
(Nikko) It's all right, he doesn't know her.
- What the fuck are you doing? - None of your business. Move on, girly.
- What, are you gonna throw a rock at me? - Yeah, actually, I am.
- Fucking hell. - Feel good, huh? Wanker!
- Don't make me come down there. - I want you to come down here.
- You wouldn't dare. - Oh, yeah? Fucking moron!
- (Screams) - (She laughs)
Oh, you big fucking man!
- Get off! Get the fuck off! - Big fucking man!
- Killing innocent creatures! - Get her off me!
All right, Owen? Stevie, fancy seeing you here.
- Where'd you get your information, eh? - Tell us and we'll let you down.
What are you doing out here? Just hanging out?
All right, Owen?
- Fuck you! Fuck! - Hey, hey, hey!
- Come on, leave it. - Jesus fucking Christ!
Hey? What're you doing?
I told you, she's a nutter. Always was, always fucking will be!
- Why don't we all calm down? - Shut up, bitch, or you're next!
- Right. - Oi, oi, oi, oi!
Happy now, eh? Happy now?
- Why don't you just fuck off, Skippy? - Don't fucking speak to her like that.
Oh, right, I see. Like that, then, is it, hey?
She's managed to worm her way right back in.
I don't get you lot.
Claim to be into birds, but not enough to do anything to save them.
OK, bye. See ya.
- Shut up, mate. - You're so much better off without that.
Stevie!
Stevie.
She'd never talk about Australia.
It's like it never existed.
(The Do: Playground Hustle)
(Stevie laughs)
Girls!
We are not crazy
We are not afraid of you grown-ups
We'll go ask the queen of this kingdom
If you won't let us play with screws and hammers
Boys!
We are not shady
We are not afraid of you adults
We'll go talk to the king of this kingdom
If you won't let us play with dolls...
Would you like me to do the honours?
Yeah, but you'll need a bigger blade.
Unless you just want to sever...
my recurrent laryngeal nerve.
In which case,
I'll never fucking speak to you again. Literally.
If you had to do it right now, right this second,
how would you do it?
Nitrous oxide.
(Both) Quick, clean and easy.
(Stevie) Mm-hm.
Oh, yeah.
Anything's better than cutting.
(Gas hissing)
(Squeakily) If you commit suicide, don't do it with helium...
(Squeakily)... because that would be really stupid.
- (Screams) - Don't kill yourself with helium.
How did you know that was helium?
- I didn't. - So why did you do it, then?
Cos you did.
So if I jumped out of that window, you'd go and do it too, would you?
I'd like you to go, please.
What?
Will you just go when I ask you to, please?
I give you a glass, you take the whole fucking bottle.
(Bish) She's a big ball of wrong. End of.
And don't think her turning up on the green that day was a coincidence, either.
She wanted to see if I was all right. She'd heard that Mum had died.
- Anyway, why does it matter? - Because she makes you crazy.
Where did you meet her, anyway? Slashmywrists. Com?
Look, we all like a lively bird, but she's cracked.
- You don't know what you're talking about. - I know people like her.
People who say, "The world doesn't understand me
"because I'm so fucking special.
"So let's jump off this bridge together."
And then bozo jumps off and she's left there standing,
saying, "Ho-fucking-hum, I think I've changed my mind."
She's a classic head-fuck, prick-tease, screw-with-your-life, bipolar whack job.
- Is that your appraisal, Doctor? - Yep.
- Right. Thank you. - (Car horn beeps)
And why aren't you taking your medication?
Because it turned me into a fucking zombie.
Being a zombie's better than five kinds of crazy, believe you me.
Look, look,
if you stay with her, it's only going to go one way.
- That's south of the fucking river. - All right, mate, I got it.
OK? I fucking got it.
(The Do: Queen Dot Kong)
It's a little messed up round here, round here, round here
(Bish) Grasshopper warbler's got a scalloped undertail.
- The tips are pale, though. - You won't see one after August.
September, absolute latest.
What are you talking about? Global warming, Bish.
Yeah? I reckon you'd be able to see one in October.
Oh, no. The Brinkerhoffs.
How long have those Dutch prats been working on that?
If they get there before us and spook the bird...
- (Nikko) Erm... Bish, don't. - Oi! Oi! Oi!
Your window.
You go near that shrike before us
and I'll rip your fucking heads off and piss down the hole!
(Nikko) What did they say?
I don't think it was them.
You just ruined someone's day.
Come on, Cameron. Let's have a massage. Just a cheeky one.
- Come on. - Come on, chill out. Relax, man.
(Buzzing)
- Hello? - Hi, it's me.
- Yeah, I know. - What are you doing?
I'm working.
- You're working? - Roger's given me a few days.
Roger? Yeah, I bet he did.
Look, I can't talk. What do you want?
I want to see you later.
Just because we go bird-watching and we fuck
doesn't mean you can move in and take over my life.
I told you I need boundaries.
Yeah, whatever. Forget it.
Gary Cooper.
All right, mate!
(Bish) Oh, here we go again.
Gary!
Oi!
- All right, mate? - Nikko.
You sent us up an empty mountain. What you doing, lying to us?
- No, I ain't. - Five fucking hours we waited!
- Five fucking hours! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing, man? What are you doing? Chill! Chill!
Come on, man.
All right there, Gal?
How's it going, mate?
Bish.
Found these up in the Orkneys. I think you might have dropped them there.
Come here. Come on.
(Animated chatter)
(Clock ticking)
(Gasping)
(Bish) This place is so fucked up, man.
(Cameron) If I can refer you to our list, Why Farmers Are The Biggest Arseholes Of All.
(Bish) They grow things no one really wants and then expect us to pay them for doing it.
Feed animals their own species until they mutate weird illnesses,
and then blame everyone else.
Come on, pal.
- D'you mind me asking where you're going? - The woods.
- Private. - It's a public footpath.
It's on the map.
Any further, you'll be trespassing.
You don't want to be mistaken for a deer, do you?
- Or a poacher. - You're the poachers.
Listen, lads, do yourselves a favour and piss off back to London.
Right.
(Coughs) Inbreds.
- Give me six! - Hey, let's not get too cocky, eh?
(Dripping)
Come on.
No, I'm going to see the bird. I'm going to see that bird.
- It's not worth it. - Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
We'll go that... Come on round this way.
- Please. Come on. - Fuck, I'm out of here, brother.
Bish.
Cameron. Cameron.
Fuck it!
See ya.
Fuckers.
I'm going to fucking see that bird.
Most buzzards fly with wing beats.
Kill the rabbit, kill the rabbit.
Honeys are too cool for that.
They're like aerial lounge lizards,
wings loose and louche,
like they're only hunting cos it's the servants' day off.
(Fluttering)
(Buzzard shrieks)
- You little fucker! Come here! - Get him!
Come here, you little fucker!
- You don't listen, do you? - Little prick!
You don't know what you're messing with, do you? Think about it now.
(Birdsong)
Fuckers.
(Air hissing)
Little thief.
You thieving bastard.
I'm going to fuck your tyres.
Fuck your tyres up.
(Laughs)
(Spits)
(Mobile rings)
Hello?
Hi.
(Water running)
(The Specials: Concrete Jungle)
I'm going out tonight
I don't know if I'll be all right
Everyone wants to hurt me
Baby, danger in the city
- I have to carry a knife - (Banging on door)
Because there's people threatening my life
I can't dress just the way I want
I'm being chased by the National Front
Concrete jungle
Animals are after me...
What do you want?
To make sure you're OK.
Is he your boyfriend again?
No.
You are.
God, what happened?
I fell out of a tree.
Were you with the wankers?
No.
I was on my own.
Where?
Wetlands.
Will you take me there again?
Yeah.
Thanks for coming over.
(Door bangs)
- What's she doing here? - Er... She has got a name.
- This explains everything. - Oh!
Well, have a good look. You know you want to.
- You said you'd keep away from him. - We're getting married.
I would like you to be best man, Mike. Don't lose the ring, eh?
- I want to talk to my brother. - He tells me everything.
Bye, Mike.
Hey.
(Text alert buzzes)
Stupid fucking bastard.
What the fuck are you looking at?
She's not normal. When you're with her, nor are you.
Compared to what?
You?
- You met on a suicide website. - So what?
We did it for a reason. To stop you being ruined by people like her.
- Ruined? - (Door shuts, footsteps recede)
You can't... You can't stay here, we've sold the house.
(Bare feet padding)
Stevie!
What are you doing?
Huh?
- What are you doing? - You'd better call Bish.
Why?
You lied to me, Nikko.
About what?
Huh?
Where are you going?
I need some more onions here.
(Knocks)
- So what happened to your face? - Fucking tripped up in the woods, didn't I?
Oh, right.
So did you hear about Owen Whittle, then?
They found his body in his car, next to where the honey was.
Somebody shot him.
(Gunshot echoes)
- Well? - Must have been the poachers.
Karma or what?
One cock kills another.
Fucking hell.
(Knock at door)
- Mr Nicholson? - Are you from removals?
- May I come in? - (Wipes feet)
Are you going somewhere?
It's Mum's stuff.
Oh, is she moving house?
Sort of moved already.
She's dead.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Who are you? - I feel terrible now, asking you this.
What with your mum and... you know, bad time.
But we've been talking to a few twitchers.
I suppose you've heard about Owen Whittle.
Yeah.
Well, how did you hear about him? Hasn't been in the press yet.
If you go on the internet, it's on the erm... It's on the birding websites.
Right.
Well, I suppose you know that he was an egg collector.
We think he might have been targeted by someone who didn't like what he did.
Like a twitching fundamentalist? Is that what you think I am?
We were talking to a few people and your name came up.
They said that you were one of the most dedicated.
So am I on a list?
I used to do a bit of birding myself, when I was a kid.
Even collected eggs for a bit. Don't tell anyone.
You don't know who might have targeted Whittle or anything?
Hmm, not really.
Well, if you think of someone,
or you hear anything,
maybe you could give me a call.
Mm-hm.
Stevie!
It's me!
Why do people assume life is a good thing?
If it works for you, great.
But bailing out is not the biggest tragedy.
You know what the biggest tragedy is?
It's just going through the motions.
There are two main categories of suicides -
the ones that talk about it, the cry-for-helpers,
and the ones that just do it, the no-hopers.
(Little Hell: Lose It Now)
You lost your mind
Why don't you dig it up slow?
You lost your mind, why don't you pick it off the floor?
Cos you don't need a man of the house
And you don't need the tongue in your mouth
You're here to dance so get off the floor
Cos you don't need your head any more
You don't need your head, you don't need your head
Come on!
Lose it!
All right, tosser?
- You're looking good. - Where'd you nick it?
Ho-ho-ho, that's nice, isn't it?
I bought it with my bonus. I thought it might make me happy.
- It doesn't. - So he gave it to me!
Bish is taking it to Poland.
If you drink that, you won't be able to drive back.
Hey, it's not yours any more.
Right, let's go and tick a crested lark.
Are you really going to Poland?
Yeah. The restaurant's accused me of stealing a booze delivery
and trying to... trying to sell it to a club.
Bish on the run.
What a surprise.
It's actually got more to do with this girl I've started seeing.
You know, the Polish chick? From the cafe?
Good for you, mate.
She's a bit young, mind.
How young?
Seventeen.
Just.
And she's erm...
She's a bit pregnant.
So...
...we're celebrating, then?
(Pop)
Cheers.
I shot Owen Whittle.
I didn't mean to. The gun...
...just went off.
I think I might head off.
Yeah, I might make a move, too.
Sorry you didn't get your five hundred.
Another day, yeah?
I can't go to prison.
I couldn't do years.
Three months in that place...
...nearly did me in.
Mind telling me what you were doing in there?
Cleaning the house.
I work as a cleaner.
Check if you want.
Thanks.
Have you got a mobile phone?
No.
Can I go?
Why not?
Hi.
I need to tell you something.
I killed someone.
I know.
You wrote it in your book.
I suppose I wasn't very good at life, was I?
What am I going to do?
There's only one thing left to do.
You know this is just me.
I want this to be just me.
You sure you know what you're doing?
Yeah.
After this there's no going back.
It's going to be OK, isn't it?
I should write a note.
No, a confession.
It's taken care of.
Thank you.
It's OK now.
(Fluttering, branches snap)
(Heart pounding)
(Heartbeat slows)
(Heartbeat stops)
Stevie.
(Gasping, moaning)
Help!
Stevie!
(Door opens)
Thanks, Colin.
(Sighs)
She really loved you, didn't she?
My old man killed himself.
I was quite young, so I thought it was something I'd done.
For years it's haunted me now.
There was just something in him we could never get to.
Design fault.
He was always going to do it.
And I'm sorry to say, that was Stevie.
I don't think that's you.
How do you know?
Cos you're passionate. About Stevie.
About birds.
She left this on the table.
(Stevie) Some things are worth giving everything for,
rare and fragile creatures hanging by the tiniest of threads, on their very last chance.
Once they're gone, they can never come back.
Nobody will be able to appreciate their uniqueness ever again.
She says she was in the Highland Woods on the 20th.
She even mentions the time of Whittle's death, which we've never released.
And according to Stevie, she had your mobile phone with her.
Is that why you said you didn't have one, because you thought you could protect her?
I've dealt with these animal rights lot. I know what they're capable of.
I saw the pelicans she drew.
Bird of sacrifice.
The only other creature that is willing to kill itself to save others.
I can still charge you
as an accomplice.
Obstructing the investigation, with your record, the implications could be long term.
Not everyone gets a second chance.
But if they do, it's probably worth taking, wouldn't you say?
So, say I give you one.
Would you take it?
Or would you fuck it up?
I'd take it.
Once-only offer. No exchanges, no refunds and no throwing it away once you get it.
I once went out with this girl.
We were both going to kill ourselves.
But it turned out
one of us wasn't serious.
(Jim Noir: Happy Day Today)
I'd like to see you every day but that's not the way
Too much of something is bad enough, though not today
You know I find it hard to find the things I want to say
I'm like a kid who knows exactly what he wants for his birthday
Oh, happy day
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
I'd like to see you every day but that's not the way
Too much of something is bad enough, though not today
You know I find it hard to find the things I want to say
I'm like a kid who knows exactly what he wants for his birthday
Oh, happy day
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day today
I will never know, I will never know
Oh, happy day